Death of “our” childhood

If I have to hear one more time that Harry Potter signifies the death of someone’s childhood, I am gonna scream. 

I purchased the first book when my daughter was 2 upon the recommendation of Rosie O’Donnell who still had her talk show.  I didn’t read it to her until the 4th one came out when she was 7 at which point, we quickly caught up on all 4.  My daughter LOVED them.  I LOVED them.  I would read to her at bedtime and then go to my own bed and read ahead after she fell asleep.  I was thrilled to share with her all the collecting and dressing up.  And when the movies started premiering, my daughter herself was about 11, same as Harry in the first book/movie.  She literally grew along side the movie characters.

I don’t think my daughter thought of this as the “death” of her childhood.  It was something that enhanced it, bringing great memories.  But it isn’t gone.  She still has the movies and the books.  And for me, I was an adult who immersed herself in the books and movies just as fully.  There was no childhood to die.  For me, Harry Potter transcends the boundaries of adulthood and childhood.  And I am grateful to have had it in my life, my daughter’s life and TO STILL HAVE IT!!!!

Shame

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=share

What is wrong in my head when something as beautiful and as inspiring as this only promotes shame and unworthiness in me?  This man is incredible.  I want his attitude.  I want his joy, hope and patience.

I Would Never Say No

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMRs61AOduE

Saw an exquisite dance to this song on SYTYCD.  Had forgotten about the song completely.  But, it sure says everything about The One.  Obviously, he is unimaginably happy with her and I am happy for him.  But I still love him more than anything and always will.  No matter that I have gotten worse at my “behavior.”  I would drop it for him, to be with him, to have him love me. 

Take me back in the arms I love
Need me like you did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that you wanted more

Don’t go you know you will break my heart
She won’t love you like I will
I’m the one who’ll stay
When she walks away
And you know I’ll be standing here still

I’ll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I’m the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

See me as if you never knew
Hold me so you can’t let go
Just believe in me
I will make you see
All the things that your heart needs to know

I’ll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I’m the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we’ll find a way

I’ll be waiting for you
Here inside my heart
I’m the one who wants to love you more
You will see I can give you
Everything you need
Let me be the one to love you more

I Need You

Been having a really hard time lately.  Saw someone in line the other day that reminded me of my One.  My heart lurched.  I still wonder when the pain will pass…when I can stop thinking of him in that way.  I ache for him…not just as a lover and soulmate but as a dear friend, the best of friends.  And knowing that I bring absolutely no thought to his mind is devastating.  I am happy for him, I am.  I am just so miserable, too.  This song demonstrates all that aching longing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk-7n1hdK3M

We used to laugh
We used to cry
We used to bow our heads then
Wonder why

But now you’re gone
I guess I’ll carry on
And make the best of what you’ve left to me
Left to me, left to me

{Refrain
I need you
Like the flower needs the rain
You know I need you
Guess I’ll start it all again
You know I need you
Like the winter needs the spring
You know I need you
I need you

And every day
I’d laugh the hours away
Just knowing you were thinking of me
Then it came
That I was put to blame
For every story told about me
About me, about me

(Refrain, Repeat)

Is it so bad to be bad?

And I don’t mean bad as in naughty…

I mean bad as in not always doing the right thing.  Because let me tell you, there is nothing more stressful than the pressures that come with always trying to do the right thing.  Recently, I gave up my normal obsession/compulsion with always doing right in a couple areas of my life.  At work, it bit me in the butt…hard!  But, it worked out in the end, kinda.  I lost some confidence from others, but perhaps I also gained a bit of freedom from always having to be the go-to person. 

In one of my volunteer positions, I am not sure yet what the repercussions will be, but I actually feel relaxed about it, unlike my normal stress – no sleep, sick, headache, etc. symptoms.

But I pose this question to the ether…is it so bad to not always do the right thing?  Most people don’t worry about that so much…even people who answer to a higher power.  I don’t have that weighing over my head.  I just want to be a good person, to make the world a better place.  But, is it so bad in the long run if I miss a deadline or don’t follow through on a project?  Will the world end?  Ninety percent of the time, it doesn’t even seem to make a difference if I do or don’t.  Should I lighten up on myself. 

I am the product of a military dad who also tended to be somewhat of a perfectionist with high expectations for all around him.  He has essentially been out of my life for the last twenty years.  Isn’t it time that I take my life back?

Yes, I am an atheist; No, you don’t need to pray for my soul

The lunch started out pleasant enough, then it happened.  The conversation innocently turned to religion.  It wasn’t any kind of deep discussion about theology, just an innocent passing remark.  Then, I was asked if I went to church.  Easy answer, “No.”  Lots of people don’t go to church, so I didn’t have a problem telling the truth.  Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t want to.”

“But why?”

In exasperation – “I don’t believe in “God”.”

The shock and dismay was evident.  And that is fine, I have known many people who were surprised by the news.  But then she just kept saying “that is so sad.”  It was all I could do not to cry in the restaurant.  And, I am not even sure exactly why it was so upsetting. I have been irritated and frustrated with many people’s reactions to my beliefs, but, usually, it just rolls off my back without a second thought.  This time, for some reason, it just devastated me.  I thought sure she was never going to want to talk to me again. I think she finally realized how upset I was because then she started back tracking. 

I pick and choose who I tell for the most part, because I don’t want to get into a theological discussion with anyone and because I don’t want to upset anyone.  Unfortunately, it is not something I could comfortably lie about, so when asked so directly, the truth comes out.  Everyone has different beliefs, beliefs which come in all varieties and degrees.  Mine is not so extreme that I am suing the state because the city’s name refers to something explicitly christian.  I am however, atheist to the deepest depths of my soul.  But I don’t want to be asked why.  It is what I believe, it is who I am. Just as there are those who believe in God, solely based on faith.  Mine too, is faith based and I shouldn’t have to reason it away to anyone.  Nor do I need to be disrespected by being prayed for.

“I’m Too Sexy” #27 (via My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours)

I just love this. It is not about avoiding the feelings, but not letting them run your life. It is just really joyful even though she is obviously also unhappy. =)

“I’m Too Sexy” #27 You wouldn’t think that being 40, unemployed, and forced to live with your nut-job parents would provide any opportunity to feel your innate sexiness… But let me tell you, I am learning a thing or two about how life works and the miraculous surprises around every corner if you are just willing to put down your negativity and doubt for one second. Maybe you already know that your experience of life is almost wholly determined by your attitude and … Read More

via My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours