Archive for March, 2011

Is it so bad to be bad?

And I don’t mean bad as in naughty…

I mean bad as in not always doing the right thing.  Because let me tell you, there is nothing more stressful than the pressures that come with always trying to do the right thing.  Recently, I gave up my normal obsession/compulsion with always doing right in a couple areas of my life.  At work, it bit me in the butt…hard!  But, it worked out in the end, kinda.  I lost some confidence from others, but perhaps I also gained a bit of freedom from always having to be the go-to person. 

In one of my volunteer positions, I am not sure yet what the repercussions will be, but I actually feel relaxed about it, unlike my normal stress – no sleep, sick, headache, etc. symptoms.

But I pose this question to the ether…is it so bad to not always do the right thing?  Most people don’t worry about that so much…even people who answer to a higher power.  I don’t have that weighing over my head.  I just want to be a good person, to make the world a better place.  But, is it so bad in the long run if I miss a deadline or don’t follow through on a project?  Will the world end?  Ninety percent of the time, it doesn’t even seem to make a difference if I do or don’t.  Should I lighten up on myself. 

I am the product of a military dad who also tended to be somewhat of a perfectionist with high expectations for all around him.  He has essentially been out of my life for the last twenty years.  Isn’t it time that I take my life back?

Yes, I am an atheist; No, you don’t need to pray for my soul

The lunch started out pleasant enough, then it happened.  The conversation innocently turned to religion.  It wasn’t any kind of deep discussion about theology, just an innocent passing remark.  Then, I was asked if I went to church.  Easy answer, “No.”  Lots of people don’t go to church, so I didn’t have a problem telling the truth.  Unfortunately, it didn’t stop there.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t want to.”

“But why?”

In exasperation – “I don’t believe in “God”.”

The shock and dismay was evident.  And that is fine, I have known many people who were surprised by the news.  But then she just kept saying “that is so sad.”  It was all I could do not to cry in the restaurant.  And, I am not even sure exactly why it was so upsetting. I have been irritated and frustrated with many people’s reactions to my beliefs, but, usually, it just rolls off my back without a second thought.  This time, for some reason, it just devastated me.  I thought sure she was never going to want to talk to me again. I think she finally realized how upset I was because then she started back tracking. 

I pick and choose who I tell for the most part, because I don’t want to get into a theological discussion with anyone and because I don’t want to upset anyone.  Unfortunately, it is not something I could comfortably lie about, so when asked so directly, the truth comes out.  Everyone has different beliefs, beliefs which come in all varieties and degrees.  Mine is not so extreme that I am suing the state because the city’s name refers to something explicitly christian.  I am however, atheist to the deepest depths of my soul.  But I don’t want to be asked why.  It is what I believe, it is who I am. Just as there are those who believe in God, solely based on faith.  Mine too, is faith based and I shouldn’t have to reason it away to anyone.  Nor do I need to be disrespected by being prayed for.

“I’m Too Sexy” #27 (via My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours)

I just love this. It is not about avoiding the feelings, but not letting them run your life. It is just really joyful even though she is obviously also unhappy. =)

“I’m Too Sexy” #27 You wouldn’t think that being 40, unemployed, and forced to live with your nut-job parents would provide any opportunity to feel your innate sexiness… But let me tell you, I am learning a thing or two about how life works and the miraculous surprises around every corner if you are just willing to put down your negativity and doubt for one second. Maybe you already know that your experience of life is almost wholly determined by your attitude and … Read More

via My Parents Are Crazier Than Yours

It’s Been One Year Since You Looked At Me…

Today isn’t exactly the anniversary, but more like this week last year was the more heartwrenchingly, soul destroying week of my life.  A year ago, The One told me that he was no longer interested in me romantically.  A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of him…that I don’t miss him. I miss his friendship. I miss his affection.  I miss his love.  His Girl is very lucky because I have never known anyone so loving, affectionate, caring, fun, intelligent, witty, humorous and sexy.  I wish them the best and maybe one day, I will have the nerve to excise him from my life, even though he is essentially out of my life now.  I wonder when I will stop seeing him in everything…when I will stop thinking of him in foods, movies, games, books, tv, etc.  Someday, the pain has got to pass.  Someday, I must be freed from this torment.  Right?  I have loved before.  It took a long time to get over Young Love.  But, The One made his imprint on my heart in a way that no one ever did before.  Is it possible to get over The One?  I try to comfort myself with foolishness.  But, it is fleeting and unlasting.  As the next year passes, I will keep hoping for resolution.  I know that he will never come back to me, even if it ended with His Girl.  But, I will ALWAYS be here for him, no matter how many years pass.

I love you, One.