I think it all comes down to the ol’ chicken and egg adage…

Is it the hard times in life that leads someone on the path to destructive behavior or the behavior that leads to hard times in one’s life?

No matter how much I tell myself that I am going to stop going down that path, the brief pleasure that I get from the behavior entices me again and again to serve it.  Whether that behavior ends up causing me stress, heartache, illness, etc., the salve that it puts on my mind, body and heart, however, briefly, keeps me coming back for more, ignoring my resolution to do the right thing next time.  It makes me wonder if some part of me also gets pleasure from the negative that occurs.  One hears of people who live for drama that they manifest in their lives.  People with Munchausen Syndrome are the perfect example of that.  Is there a syndrome name for people who don’t make up illnesses but manifest other drama in their lives…not necessarily for attention but to serve some other purpose?  Something to blame when things go wrong, perhaps?

Again, I will put it out into the universe that I need to stop this collection, and hope that one day, I will be able to follow through.

p.s.  I love you, One.